First step = Stop, chill and take a look round

"I have found some irregularities in your last blood tests and I want to inform you that you have something called Mixed Connective Tissue Disorder (MCTD)" This is what I heard from my Rheumatologist consultant about 2 years ago and even though it should have been bad news but at that time it was good news. I was not going mad and the men in white coats can go and bother someone else. For about 5 years before there were very strange things were happening to my body, I just couldn't keep up with all the symptoms and when said them out loud, I sounded crazy, even to me.
Now I am 2 years on from my first initial diagnosis, I take a variety of drugs to deal with all the different symptoms. I take drugs to tackle the joint and muscle pain, others to deal with nerve pain, I take drugs to suppress my immune system and another set of drugs to control the side effects of some of the drugs that I take. Sound crazy? Yes it is and at the beginning I found it hard to accept that I was no longer in charge of my body, I had to rely on strangers to suggest the right course of action as there is no cure, only control and suppress.
 Life I have found, is bloody great and it has taken a chronic illness to make me see how beautiful life is and how wonderful people can be. The simplest things, the night sky full of stars, a sparrow feeding off next doors multi layered bird table thingy, make me feel alive and invirgorated and ready to take on the world. There are even times when I forget the pain and just enjoy the momernt.  It's  like I have seen these things for the first time. I have been found in my front room looking out of the window just watching the world go by. I see these things and just feel..... well..... joyous. I know soppy, cheesy, maybe even sickening, I just can't help myself. To be fair I do live in a very beautiful place, so I am not the only person staring lovingly  off into the distance. I never would have thought that a hill or a few hills can be so breathtakingly beautiful. There is a particular spot in Sussex that takes my breath away every time.The Ditchling Beacon is one of my favourite places in the world. The view as you come along the top of the beacon just before you drive down that hill, which I have to say the cyclists that ride up and down that road are just super human. I get tired just looking at them as they push themselves to the limit, to all of them, well bloody done.Going back to the Beacon the view regardless of the time of year is completely and utterly breathtaking. I could easily stay up there and look out at the view all day (and night) long. Stars, here in Sussex I can see stars in the night sky and it is beautifully awe inspiring and now I look up at them and imagine what other worlds, spacial phenphomes might be out there. Anyway, not to get too far off track I have begun to see things differently as I have been forced to slow down, relax and have a look around. So that is what I am doing. Taking time to hang with my kids, be in their world and enjoy their company. Take time to get together with friends, Listen to music, read books, take extra time to cook/bake and take a minute to look (come on we all know the saying now)around. Being in pain all the time is hard to deal with but it has been easier to deal with when I take a walk round the corner and look out at the beautiful scenery all around me.
So first step, stop, chill and take  look around, you don't wanna miss this! This is what helps deal with chronic pain all round the body, Nerve pain, restrictive movements and all the  other wonderful symptoms that come my way. If I think about all of that I would be deep in a all encompassing deep dark depression. I just remeber that life is out there, you just need to open your eyes, arms and heart and it will cuddle you up in that lovely warm feeling called life.